with apologies to stephen sondheim

oh, if you'd been at our school's talent show (STUDENT talent show, that is) last thursday - the wondrous things you could have seen.  most importantly, the faculty number - a modification of two west side story songs.  lyrics modified by me and whitney:

Dylan & Jocks:
When you're a Jock
You're a Jock all the way
From your first big home run
To your Homecoming day.

When you're a Jock
If the spit hits the fan,
You got teammates around,
You're a family man!

Katie & Nerds:
When you're a Nerd
You're a Nerd all the way
From your first spelling test
To your SAT day.

When you're a Nerd
If the spit hits the fan,
Your lab partner's around,
You're a family man!

All:
You're never alone,
You're never disconnected!
You're home with your own:
When company's expected,
You're well protected!

Then you are set
With a capital J (N),
Which you'll never forget
Till they cart you away (to the power of ten).
When you're a Jock (Nerd)
You stay a Jock (Nerd) !

(imagine actual choreography, thanks to our drama teacher, and the choral director playing piano behind us.  imagine stunned faces in the audience and a pretty large pause before the applause began.)

Forrest:
Baker Field,
You lovely grassland . . .
Land of Friday night victories.
Always the muscles growing,
Always the whistles blowing . . .

Staples:
Baker Field . . .
You ugly grassland . . .
Land of athletic diseases.
Always the stench blowing,
Always the athlete’s foot growing
And the sweat flowing
And the coaches screaming…
And the bacteria teaming…
I like the building of Groesbeck.
To your friends you can take that back!

All:
But we’re all a part of H-h I
Okay by me at H-h I!
Ev’rything fun at H-h I!
We love to be at H-h I!

Dylan:
I like the roadtrips to games!

Wendy:
But you know that it always rains!

Forrest:
Hundreds of fans in bright fashion!

me:
Too bad your grades are all crashin’!

ALL
Higby the Bear at H-h I,
Mohawks in our hair at H-h I,
Plaid everywhere at H-h I,
Short skirts if you dare at H-h I!

Forrest:
I look so cool in my mouthguard!

Allyson:
Don’t you think you’re trying too hard?

Dylan:
We get to swim in a big pool!

Jenny:
Speedos make you look like big fools.

ALL
New kids come to H-h I,
Many hellos at H-h I;
Everyone knows that at H-h I
Everyone’s welcome at H-h I!

Forrest:
Under Armor makes me look hot!

Wendy:
Honey, Chace Crawford you are NOT!

Dylan:
All of the ladies love us!

Katie & nerd girls:
All of the ladies but us!

ALL
But we’re all a part of H-h I
Okay by me at H-h I!
Ev’rything fun at H-h I!
We love to be at H-h I!

Forrest:
Wesleyan thinks they are so cool!

Staples:
Wesleyan is just a bunch of fools!

Dylan:
Everyone there will give big cheer!

Katie:
Everyone there wants to go here!

All:
Go Bears!

(this second song was pretty hard to sing on beat - or, YELL on beat, since our singing skills are minimal.  the first time we practiced with the piano, the choral director stopped half way through and said to one of us, "how about you just speak your lines instead of trying to sing them?"  i don't think i've ever laughed harder than i did at that moment.  half an hour later, minutes before the performance, we went to the choral director with second thoughts and said, "i think we might only be worse with the piano in the second song."  he very cooly replied, "you need me on the second song."  and boy was he right - through some magical tempo changes, we were synced up with the piano throughout.  and he could drown out some of the more tragic moments.  was this night embarrassing?  YES.  but was it a lot of fun?  YES - i honestly haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  and we're teachers - we embarrass ourselves daily.  that night was really nothing different...)